Going down the Rabbit Hole

The start of the Journey.JPGPreparing for a book writing marathon feels like preparing for a scary, though exciting, sky or water diving – you jump into the unknown, embrace the vertigo, and smile, somewhat awckwardly, at the uncertainty. You don´t know where, or if, you´re going to land after you take the leap.

You light up candles & incense, organize a romantic dinner and invite the Inspiration Muses to join, keeping your fingers crossed, hoping they´ll close an agreement with you: we´re going to show up when you show up. That´s what you´ll wish they´ll say between the main dish and the dessert yet they remain silent, chewing their food (you´re a good cook!).

Although you´re the perfect host, the Muses play hard to get. By the end of the evening, they´ll say farewell without the promise to show up.

-Will I jump alone? Will I screw this one up? Will I be able to write a good enough book? Will I? Will I? Will I? – You ask yourself while washing the dishes. – Oh, damn it.

You only know when you do it. No safety net, no guarantees – just emptiness and a purpose strong enough to pull you through word by word, sentence by sentence, page by page.

You stock up with groceries, have the house clean and operational, finish the eternally unfinished TO DO list (or simply prioritize, throwing it into the I´LL DEAL WITH IT LATER box), warn everybody of your upcoming absence, buy a package of cigarettes –  even if you´re not a smoker when you´re on “regular self mode” -;  take a deep, fearful breath, and start doing it.

It feels like I´ve been falling down the rabbit hole, Alice in Wonderland all over again, and I´ve finally landed at the bottom of the earth. I´m not ready to open the tiny door which will (eventually) take me to the Magical Creation Channel, one which is required to “write a good book” but I know I´ll never feel ready. I open the door, anyway, praying not for a challenge-free adventure but for a blessed, fruitful one. One that makes me grow along the way and, hopefully, inspire others to do the same once the literary baby is out.

The Muses show up because I show up.


Or The Beginning

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