Falling out, and in, of love with Egyptian Dance has been a recurrent issue. For me, for many other dancers, professional and amateur, around the world.
I don´t question it anymore or lose sleep over it. One of the reasons I stopped stressing about the occasional urge to throw the towel on the floor is the fact that I see myself, and my career, growing all the time and into new, and more interesting, directions. The bumps in the road, the challenges and less than positive folks –
I mean jerks but I´m trying to be diplomatic – I meet along the way are nothing when compared with the blessings, and amazing people, I deal with every single day.
I also know enough about living to realize this career is a long term marriage, not a one night stand. As it happens with any long term marriage, there are ups and downs, valleys and mountain tops; doubts, crisis and apoteotic rebirths of love. Everything is transformed along the way. We occasionally go through a dark corridor only to arrive to a garden outpouring with the most luxurious, fragrant flowers in full bloom. And, some times, we need a friend more than a lover or a lover more than a husband.
The same thing happens when you´re married with an art form.
Although I´ve never thought about ending this relationship between me and Egyptian Dance – and I had reasons to do it, especially while I was living and performing in Egypt – , I went through crisis, lack of enthusiasm and disappointment. Not with the dance but with the people who are involved in it. The dance, itself, is sacred and untouchable – an altar where only light is allowed.
It helps that I have lovers – those delicious flirts I run to when my husband (Egyptian Dance) is dragging me down or boring me. I also write, sing, act, do other stuff that work as extra accomplisment and buffers between me and my main relationship.
Such unfaithfulness could play against my marriage – it often does, as married people will tell you – but, in this case, it helps. I always return to my marriage with a renewed faith and passion, more appreciative of my long term relationship and with ideas to spice it up. My lovers – may them be writing, men in the most prosaic sense of the word or any other activity I use to get out from home – remind me why I got married in the first place. Not a flirt, ladies & gentlemen; this is a life time marriage.
-I cannot stand you anymore. Let´s break up.
-Sure, honey. I´ll see you in a while. Love you.
-Hate you too.
-I know ❤
If, one day, this marriage comes to an end, it will only happen in its exterior appearance. The connection between the spouses – me and this dance – is unbreakable and above any religion, church or institutional rite. It is, as some will realize, a Divine Affair.