This is what I tell myself these days. Damn it; damn the whole thing. Or bless it. They say what counts is the intention, right?
If we keep postponing happiness, we waste our lives waiting for it, pushing it forward to a moment that never comes. Making it a conditional event, something which depends on circumstances, is not only an illusion but a waste of precious time.
I´ve spent a long time postponing happiness and trying to catch it at the peak of the mountains, in those moments when I thought I was supposed to feel the happiest. I´m lucky to have had many of those moments, professional and personal circumstances that fit the mold of “now I can be happy” or, to put it more clearly , “now I should be happy”. And you know what? Some times, at the top of the mountain, when everybody was sure I was the happiest, I was sad. Mountain peaks are not what
-Is this all there is at the top? Is this how love is supposed to feel? I´m confused because I have everything I´ve dreamt of but I still want to remove myself from reality and take a long, deep, hibernation style nap. Or a plate of pancakes, alone, s´il vous plait.
Once you´ve been there – up high – enough, you realize there´s no perfect moment or context where you are finally allowed to breathe, feel good about yourself and rejoice. The moment is now and only now, independently of where, how or whom you´re with.
This is what they – someone – forgot to tell us: Happiness is a permanent choice, an awareness that requires maintenance, reminders, discipline, consistency, a good dose of madness too. It´s not easy to keep it going when the whole world seems to have forgotten about it. Still we try. If we want to.