The more you see – experience and reflect – of the world the less you´re able to judge; somehow, seeing the Big Picture erases every sense of superiority, even if just intellectual (I know better than them kind of attitude).
I returned from Slovenia – thanks to Ksenija and Tomaz for making it happen – with a higher sense of worldliness (aka absence of judgement). For me, aside from doing a high quality and successful work, that´s the biggest gift. I can actually feel my mind expanding, like in a science fiction movie; I can see it melting, a cup of air turning into pure honey, falling right where it´s supposed to be: in my heart.
It makes sense – Oriental Dance, the Language of the Soul, taking me to places where I can live, on my skin, the Truth that rules us all. It makes sense – to keep my child curiosity protected from the cynicism of this world; to feel genuine interest for other people and the phenomenon that happen around and inside us the whole time. It makes sense – to enJOY every moment as if it was my last.
This kind of intensity isn´t easy or comfortable. It´s exhausting and it exposes you to the softest and harshest winds. Being OPEN works in every way – you get the good and the bad; you´re vulnerable to the BEAUTY of life but you can´t escape the ugliness. Which makes me wonder if it´s a question of perspective. What is beautiful? What is ugly? Who gets to decide which is which? Ah...travelling a lot can make you crazy. Beware of the danger!
At the end of our workshops – at the Slovenian mountains, no less -, I had one of the students (a beautiful lady) coming to me and telling me the most amazing things about me and my dance. It´s always great to receive positive feed-back from our work but what touched me the most was:
-I love to watch you dance because you are like a child searching for joy and life…so pure…just like a child…searching.
-Yep. That´s me. You saw me. For real. – I answered, stunned by the realization that others can actually SEE who I am, instead of projecting ghosts over me.
I´m used to being taken for things I never was. People build an image of me – according to their own minds, wishes and frustrations – which I rarely recognize as my true self. This lady SAW further, beyond appearances, right into the core of my Being. And what a beautiful view! Almost as beautiful as the Slovenian mountains, those ladies dancing in our workshops or our visit to a farm – hidden in the woods – where you have a glimpse of paradise and a killer raspberry cake.
Performing is my biggest love but teaching is no less. More than throwing data and choreographies over people´s heads, I aim at AWAKENING them for realities they haven´t experienced before. The purpose is to guide them the best I can so they can find their own VOICE in this world. In dance as in life.
And how gorgeous it is to see them move, discovering their bodies & hearts, (often) fighting with their demons and (not so often) celebrating with their freedom; how gorgeous it is to see each person finger print on the movements. How gorgeous to see how GORGEOUS they are. My mum´s right: I know how to live well. And she means WELL. I wander – and wonder – a lot and I get lost with scary frequency but I always find the best landscapes. They come to me, I don´t go to them. If you gotta play this game, play it like a BOSS.
I don´t know what´s the best part about this dream coming true – sharing all I´ve learnt and built in 8 years of career & life in Egypt with the whole world – but I suspect GROWING UP may be it. Less fingers pointed and a heart that is still afraid of getting hurt – I´m human, after all (perhaps) – but is increasingly open, brave and ALIVE. Mostly A-LIVE.
Thank you, Slovenia; thank you, World.
P.S: Sunday mass at Pohorge, Slovenia, is the coolest. Singing – humming, to be more accurate – with the ladies at the village church was AMAZING. My intention was to assist the mass – to see how they do it there – but I was late and the main church gate was already closed. I searched for another door – any door – and found one which lead to a staircase. I went up the stairs and allowed myself to be lead to the nook where the orgue player and the chorus were working full blast. All ladies; all Slovenian; all sweet. They took me in, gave me a musical sheet and made me feel at home. In the end, we shook each other hands, kissed and smiled at each other in a language that needs no translation. I had to fight tears from coming. If this is not a religious service, I don´t know what it may be.