I feel dizzy; my thoughts are foggy and there are occasional bursts of tears. Sad or happy tears? I wouldn´t know how to tell the difference, by now. For someone who lives outside reality – the reality of the majority -, coming to terms with reality is a mess I try to avoid at all costs.
You can run but you can´t hide, baby!
I am comfortable inside my dance, my choreographies, my writing, my teaching, my shows, my CREATIVE world, my bubble where everything is kind, beautiful, pure, passionate and incredibly stimulating. I love my own world and it takes a LOT to push me out of it.
I´m not that comfortable with practical stuff. Paying the bills, shopping, waiting in line to have my teeth fixed, those regular things regular people have to do. They´re painful to me; they kill me. The problem is I also have teeth, bills, shopping lists. I believe they´re a waste of my productive/creative time but I can´t escape them, unless I win the lottery and I hire people – regular people who actually enjoy doing regular things – to do those boring chores for me. Teeth fixing included (don´t ask). Now THAT would be a dream come true. Let me free to think, feel, dance, study, see, travel, get inspired, observe, create without the burden of regular life tasks. Ah, bliss! All is possible.
The first volume of my new book is practically finished. Oh, boy. Such a long way. I tremble when I think of it- it´s done; I don´t dare saying it out loud, with fear that it´s all a dream and my voice will wake me up.
By finished I mean completely re-written (from ground zero), edited by me and my editor, cleaned and ready to publish. Last details – like the choice of titles and subtitles, Arabic words translation notes – will be solved between today and tomorrow. Small stuff, I hope, when compared to the writing process.
Here we go again: I feel like celebrating. And crying. It´s such an emotional thing, having accomplished so much and learnt more than I thought I could along the way…it´s work but it´s personal. I know I´ll have my beloved detractors pointing their fingers, blaming me for being “too personal”. Let them write their own (unpersonal?) books and let´s see the result. Then, only then, we can talk.
Scared. Excited. Afraid, not sure of what. Still 2 or 3 volumes of the same book to go. Oh, yeah. I´ve finished the 1st volume. There are more.
Right now, I don´t want to think about the next ones. Those are new lessons to be learnt, new adventures to enjoy. At the moment, I want to celebrate this one, proudly finished. And take a breath, a well deserved breath.
For a change, I want to enjoy my achievements, instead of running to the next mountain. Me, my editor (without whom I could never have done it) and the 1st volume of my new book – together, with a
glass of champagne cappuccino and a bouquet of roses. I deserve it. We deserve it.
I could say this was the hardest thing I´ve ever done but that would be a disrespect towards so many incredible things I´ve accomplished so far. I prefer to think of it as a new door that I´m opening. New doors – more than old, as you would expect – are always a little rusty -hence the difficulty. The best thing? I know I can nail this. And so much more.