You never know how things are done – or what it takes to make them happen – before you wrap up your sleeves and actually DO them. Then the demon of imperfection – in other words: our own limitations; Saturn – strikes. Nobody can escape it. The world of ideas – I could do this, that and that other thing…– is clean, neat, safe and – yes – perfect. The world of deeds – materialized ideas – is not. No wonder so many of us prefer to remain in the first, talking about grand gestures they never have the guts to materialize.
It´s an often observed phenomenon: the ones who do less are usually the ones who criticize the most. Whoever makes things happen, it´s too focused, too busy and too conscious to point fingers at others. The ones who MAKE things know how hard it is to make them. Their compassion towards other “makers” is a by-product of their own courage.
Mahmoud Reda, my dearest teacher, dance partner and friend, once told me: “there are three cathegories of people: the ones who can and know how to do things. Those are the ones who do them; the ones who know but, for some reason, cannot do things become teachers; the ones who don´t know and cannot do things, become critics.”
I don´t agree a teacher is necessarily someone who cannot do what she/he teaches but I get the point. At the bottom of the list comes the critic. Beware of it. It´s easier to stay outside of the ring and watch others get beaten and, occasionally, win. The less you do, the more you have time and energy to focus on what other people are doing and the less you can deal with your own limitations, the more inflexible you will be towards other people´s limitations.
As far as I´m concerned, time is too short for all the amazing things I´m doing and wish to do. In an ideal world, I would be studying English Literature at Oxford (nothing less than the best) while doing my dance work (teaching, performing, lecturing) around the world and writing books and leading voluntary dance projects for women in need and acting in movies and on the East End (hello, Sweeney Todd!) and singing jazz at the coolest, warmest nightclub in London. Add a fabulous cottage to the mix and enough time and energy to offer to my favourite man, to my family and friends. All at the same time.
I´ll get there – or close to it. Wait and see 😉
As for now, it´s a crazy gemini feast, a wide range of creative work that leaves no dull moment in my day or night. The lack of certainties doesn´t make things easier. Every venture is a question mark. Creativity is not mathematic and even mathematicians will tell you there are dark, magical – unpredictable- spots in their area.
I never know how my new book is going to unfold, especially since I started rewriting it from the perspective of a WRITER (which I´m not but I may be in the future). I don´t know how a choreography will happen or how the magic of a show is going to reveal itself. I don´t know. Period. What I do know is that I push and keep pushing as far as my consciousness allows it. When you know better, you can do better – I think Maya Angelou said it.
Beneath the external success there´s a hidden (backstage) world of search, serious work, stubborn curiosity, personal and finantial investment, persistence and doubt. I´m starting to feel success is indeed that hidden piece of the iceberg and not the results people see. What is success, anyway?