I might as well sing it out loud: I´m a control freak where my work is concerned and, what is probably worse, I´m (kind of) proud of being one. In other words: I´m a dance(r)zilla, the dancer version of Godzilla.
Delegating parts of my work to other people – no matter how talented and professional they are – has always been a complex adventure: I love to cooperate and get inspire by external contributions (not my exclusive vision) but I suffer by letting go of the decision power and, most of the times, I genuinely believe no one can defend, understand and expand my vision better than I do.
Me, my mum, a photographer and her kind assistant were preparing our photo session last Sunday.
Location: an old building in the heart of Lisbon.
Air: fresh with drops of water dancing around, a Sunday morning kind of atmosphere, the lazy, sweet antechamber of a new week.
Mood: great. I adore photographing and being photographed – the camera is my friend – safe, warm, intimate, welcoming and appreciative. The lens captures tiny fractions of my existence and offers them Eternity. What´s not to love?
Everything was running smoothly. Then dance(r)zilla hit the room. My hands were on the make-up, cloths, location, position of the lighting, camera and photographer – everything. I lost sight of my job and the other person´s job – it´s not intentional but it´s irresistible. I know how I want to look in those images and how to make it happen. Bam! Bim! Bum! Don´t think: just do it.
Bless the photographer´s heart, her patience and flexibility.
I wonder if all artists are like this: hands on EVERYTHING related to their work. I know I am. Furthermore: I have no intention of changing. Yes, it´s overwhelming – for me and for my collaborators – but it´s also a sign of passion, commitment, clarity of purpose and a strong statement I wish I never lose along the road: “I KNOW WHAT I WANT AND I CARE”.