Ocean Girl – notes to the self by Joana Saahirah*

64384_10205349644165751_3124599137307437487_nI´ve always seen life as an endless Ocean where I´m supposed to dive in, get lost and found. In order to turn that vision into reality, I´ve needed a caravel – like my ancestors, the Portuguese Discoverers -, good (or bad) winds to make me restless and move ahead, an exciting journey and a commander for the caravel (me: always me. Can´t take orders from anyone else, sir!). Destination has never been important: everything is road; everywhere are treasures found.

It´s a beautiful way to live – free, adventurous, risky and truly out of the box or without a box, to be more precise. Scary, sometimes. When everybody stays on dry land – working their 9h till 5h safe (?) jobs; gossiping about soap operas and that actress that had a plastic surgery; getting married & making babies with or without love, it doesn´t seem to matter – I´m constantly wet, lost at sea, wandering with no maps or certainties. ´Makes me wonder who´s the luckiest – me or them? Who´s happier – me or them? Can someone be happy in the midst of medriocrity – or what I call mediocrity? I don´t know. Maybe. Yes. Not.

After these 3 last years – where I´ve been roaming with many journeys but no journey of my own – the drawing of a new Adventure is starting to visit me. It all started by the 2 priorities I set for the year: to rewrite/edit my new book (3 volumes!) and publish its first part + to put up a show that will change the way people see Egyptian Oriental Dance. In between these two grand projects there is life, damned or blessed real life with responsabilities, bills to pay, bank meetings and daily chores that feel like a waste of my creative time & energy. Life in all its glory and apparent insignificance.

I still don´t know how it would feel to join the crowds – to remain on dry land, to erase the sparkle in my eyes, marry my neighbor (a doctor, engineer or lawyer, “s´il vous plait”) and make kids in my womb. Would I die? Would I survive but lose who I am on the way down? Who knows?10431447_784363114965621_3607984925896819736_n

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