You know those typical – quite depressing, if you ask me – environments where women (and men: oh yes!) gossip and exchange idiotic words just to avoid silence (what´s so wrong with silence, anyways?)? It can be at the gym, supermarket, a party, wherever. It´s a plague, it´s superficial and it reminds me why I´ve been thinking so seriously about retreating to a jungle and staying there F-O-R-E-V-E-R.
From all the things that I wish I didn´t hear on these occasional – always empty – conversations the classic that shocks me the most is:
–Oh, how I wish I could have my body back. After I´ve had (a baby, a health problem, a break-up, you name it), my body has never been the same. I WANT IT BACK!
That´s the moment when I think to myself: really? You want a piece of your past back? Why would you want that?
It strikes me as odd how NATURAL CHANGES – the only thing we can surely expect in life – is ignored by most of us.
I want my body back... – they say. I say: why? Unless you used to be healthy and you´re not anymore (in that case I DO understand the wish to have your body back), there´s no reason to fight the inevitable: HUMAN BEINGS and everything else in Nature are born, grow, mature, decline and die so a new cycle can begin. I wasn´t the person I was years years ago and it would never cross my mind to want it back – it´s gone: done: finitto: solved; it has given place to another version of me: a version I actually find more interesting, full, intelligent, resourceful, inspiring & inspired, healthy, creative and beautiful.
I´ve been watching my evolution – body included – with awe & gratitude: no way I would want a piece of my past back – only thinking of it is enough to make me feel depressed.
My hips, breasts and eyes have expanded (no idea why). I´ve even heard the suggestion that I might have done plastic surgery. Well, I didn´t. But it´s a fact: certain parts of my body have become rounder and wider and I LOVE IT. Read it well, please: I LOVE IT. Why wouldn´t I?
My legs are stronger, more flexible, creative & alive than ever. Also LOVE IT!
My mind and its belief system have matured in ways I cannot even start to enumerate. LOVE: LOVE: LOVE IT!
My creativity has expanded as much – or more – than my hips,breasts or eyes: it has gone madly free & coloured. Only now I feel self-confident enough to dig into passions such as the usual performing/teaching as well as choreographing (solo & group), writing and (hopefully back to) acting. If any great artistic project comes my way, I simply jump on it with a power I didn´t have before.
I´ve become wiser, cooler, more cultured, compassionate & funnier. Mind you: this is just the beginning of the list.
So let me ask again: why so many people claim to want their past back?