It´s terrifying – and fascinating – how Life has a way of putting us in our place: teaching us how to be eternal apprentices, nothing more than that (no matter how much we presume to know about a craft).
When I searched for an editor to review my upcoming book my idea was to polish here and there, to cut the accessory and eventually rewrite a few phrases. The idea of writing a new book from the NOTES (I had taken for a book) never crossed my mind but, allas, that´s exactly what I´m doing.
-The story is still inside of your head – not yet on the pages. – My editor told me, excited. – It happens to a lot of writers…- She added, probably trying to comfort me.
Dettached enough from the realities I speak about in the book, I can – at the present moment – TELL THE STORY. Yes: it hurts a bit when you realize you have 800 pages written but not yet a book. After the initial shock, you have two choices:
-Screw it! – and you drop the whole thing; you´re a professional dancer, anyways. Why would you spend endless hours of productive time in front of a computer, immobile (neck hurting), writing a book? A BOOK?!
-Screw it! – I´ve come this far to tell this story. If I only have a series of notes, then, by God, I´ll turn it into a book. Still a dancer; still someone who hates spending endless hours at a computer, no movement except for my whole soul and my fingers, but also a STUBBORN bull who simply doesn´t quit.
Once I say to myself “I´ll do it”, be sure I will (unless I die, physically speaking, along the way – in that case, I may keep working on it on the other side of reality).
Each phrase is a discovery; each character that I develop, each place, sensation, thought recreates and expands a real life adventure that looks just like fiction. In the process, I´m learning how to write – which reinforces the conviction I´ve always had: you learn a craft by practicing it: doing it: daring to face your limitations and talent (our own talent can be scarier than our limitations – funny, isn´t it?!).
Once I finish rewriting – or writing, for the first time – a phrase, I have no idea how I´ll solve the next. It´s an Enigma and I´m finally starting to live comfortable with it.
One thing´s for sure: it´s an adventure in itself, the hardest thing I´ve ever done and a love that is growing inside me in ways I couldn´t have predicted.
Grateful to Life for one more GREAT adventure; grateful to my editor for BELIEVING in me – there´s no greater support than having someone (who knows about the craft in question) recognizing our talent and knowing, for a fact, we can produce something great.
Cheers to all apprentices of this world (and others) and to the editors who pull them forward! This life belongs to us.