I´ve talked so much about demons and ghosts (the ones who live inside of us) and yet, for the sake of honesty, I´m compelled to touch them one more time. If you create something – anything – from your soul, you´ll surely meet these guys along the way, curiously enough. How do you meet demons when you create from your soul? Isn´t the soul supposed to be populated with cute angels and kind fairies who inspire you and hold your hand as it moves on paper (or on the computer keyboard)? Isn´t the soul a sacred space where only Light exist?
I´m limited and expanded by my own personal experience and personal is always relative. As far as I discovered, doing things (a dance, a book, a song, a painting) from your most authentic self doesn´t keep the evil neighbors ashore; it may even invite them. Still we move on, if you suffer (enjoy?) from a certain Creative Compulsion. We can choose to move ahead, despite the fights, the struggles and the bumpy roads.
The first volume of my upcoming book(s) – Trilogy “Diary of Egypt” – stares at me like a neglected daughter.
Timing is a bitch, man. First, I had to meet and get rid of an editor who was a bully (yet another women hater; yet another twisted impulse to rebellion); second, I found my dream editor but, for (her) health reasons, our collaboration had to be postponed. She will do a last revision of the book a month from now but I´ll face the Ocean alone for the moment. My own choice, of course. I don´t have to do it, in principle – that´s what editors are for, many would argue. The problem is I feel I want to do it, no matter how scary it may be (and it is so damn scary).
The first two months of this year were carefully reserved for the finishing line of this book. The Publisher is ready to put the book out there – no editing required, according to them 😦 !!! WTF ??? – but I preferred to wait and make sure only the best comes out.
I refused dance work in order to be able to have the peaceful routine, the silence and the focus necessary for writing & editing books. Although I´m choreographing for dancers and teaching (loving my PRIVATE ON LINE COURSES) – therefore never away from dance, not even for a day -, I´m able to make my own schedule, retreat to my cave and finish what I´ve started.
We can edit the same book forever – that´s a curious danger I´ve recently discovered. Nonetheless, if you believe publishing it is important, you have to mark THE END on the journey: “this is the last time I´ll pluck, erase, rewrite, cut, polish and think about the subject”. It takes courage, self-confidence and a great deal of madness to eventually say enough is enough.
The decision has been made and I know I´m ready – as much as I can be ready at the moment – for a last swim in this particular Ocean. Two more volumes to edit and publish but let´s take one step at a time.
Excited? No doubt.